Rebirth

It is currently 3:00 am.. and i feel the need to write a little before I go to bed, I currently feel more dead than alive on the inside in so many ways. But I infer that I have done so much damage to my body physically and mentally, it is like I am stuck on a dark road with a flat.. no cell phone reception, No triple A, no help. But the spare tire and jack is there in the trunk.. There is some things in life that you just to figure out. That is what I am going to do. There is so many ideas flowing through my mind.. I am overwhelmed. And I think that I am going to start all this tomorrow. I am going to take on tomorrow as a new day.. I have been contemplating all of this in my head for many weeks now. But tomorrow seems like a great day to start. Awhile back I was thinking this as a "Self-Destruction"... But really it is not. It is more like a Rebirth.. a reincarnation into a newer me. 

We are human.. and we are all in some way, shape, or form "Perfectly Flawed" ( Credits for that phrase go to Otep Shamaya).. But there is some flaws within myself I would not consider perfect.. And most flaws within anyone can change. I have always been one to say " Quit your fucking bitching, If you do not like something.. do something about it." I am throwing that out there because I have witnessed with others and myself recently and over time. Bitching about flaws within themselves.. And complaining about it is not going to get someone anywhere. It is only going to make who you are complaining to ear's bleed and get yourself worked up. So instead do something about it.. that is what I am doing. Enough complaining.. and taking action. I am rather disgusted in myself, I normally follow all this. But lately I have flown away to a universe that unlike the one I am used to.. 

Just some random thoughts...

 

Despicable Aeon

"Despicable Aeon"

Fill the void
let me paint a picture...
maybe you will open your eyes?
Are we too late?
Is this a sign?
Has my moment come, or was it all a lie?
We all see the common faces
someone needs to step out of line!
You make me sick,
give me something to believe in 
A reason why...

We've face the days of the undistinguished,
the mold grows bigger over time.
Do not peice me together again
I wanna linger
till it is my time, 
for my spotlight to shine.
 

Oceans

"Oceans"

You can find me beyond the sun,
 across the horizon 
on the edge, waiting for the moment
with my arms wide open. 

I'm free, these chains have been released
Where I can free fall into the ocean breeze
rid myself of everything, shedding skin, growing stronger. 
Immune to all the negative energy.

I'll see you on the other side,
you can find me
in the ocean breeze, flying against the tides 
A abyss, in your eyes...  

Oceans Image

I just done writing a poem that I titled "Oceans".. and I feel that is image is so beautiful and shows what I was picturing in my head while writing it. I am debating if I am going to share it on here.

The Concealed Metamorphosis ( The Rise And Fall Of Metal)

Music as a whole.. no matter what genre, should be a compelled puzzle peice of emotion and art. It does not matter whether it is pop or country, rap or opera. But the metal genre as a whole emotion and expressive art should be like a bulimic vomitting on their calorie packed, sodium infused meal.

As a whole the metal genre has gently yet ever so quickly taken a fall descending through a downward spiral. Where at one point the genre, the bands, and the fans could be compared to a circle of untamed wolves in a meat factory. Which would be pure fucking chaos.

There has not really been a evolution, more like a metamorphosis. The genre could now be comparable to a bunch of rabid lambs.

Perhaps it could be times change, like how seasons come and go? But why have so many important aspects of this genre changed? When I take a look at all these new and uprising bands I see nothing... Nothing but a dull clone of the band I seen on the previous page of the magazine, or previously heard on AOL Radio.

I have two major aspects I would like to address, one of which is appearence. In the past fifteen years I would have to say some of the major bands that really defined the laws of appearence would be: Marilyn Manson, Gwar, Coal Chamber, Murderdolls, and Slipknot. Each unique for their very own reason. But that is exempting our death/black metal friends like Behemoth, Cradle Of Filth, and Dimmu Borgir. But that is a whole other subject. I glimpse at these uprising bands and I see nothing but a basic look to all of them. Skinny Jeans ( Which by the way they should put a surgeon generals warning on), a tshirt, guaged ears, and ungodly facial hair. What the hell is the convivial excitement of that? The excitement that the band may slap on some cheap eyeliner?

Enough about that, how about the carbon copy music that is being written, recorded, and performed? I would like to also address that I am not going to mention any bands or artists throughout the critism section of this essay! Musically, these bands are extremely talented. But if only they could take that energy and apply it to something more expressive and closer to heart.

Although I do see a simular pattern and that is who can play the fastest, and who can scream the loudest and highest. I am not going too far into this but lyrically it is parallel to many of the other bands out there. These bands do deserve credit by all means. But the new crowd of metal, I feel gives them too much credit. There is so many metal artists out there that do not get the credit deserved. Three artist I would like to mention are Otep Shamaya from the band Otep, Alissa White-Gluz from The Agonist, and last but not least Anders Friden from In Flames. All musically contrastive. But all three write compelling beautiful, aggressive, emotional art that many artist cannot compare to.

Overall there is nothing that can be done about the changes in the metal genre has faced. There is so many amazing artists out there, that do not fall into this. Whether you like the changes or you dislike them, there is nothing that can be done. The only thing we can hope for is new faces to rise against the trend, and walk a different path.

Just happen to be going through google images today.. and found this.  I wish that skies would look like this!

Black Clouds Over The Eclipse

A wise man once said " I am not an artist, I'm a fucking work of art." and that same man also has broke society's standards and changed the lives of millions both in a positive and negative way. 

For that there has been so many people that have broke the chains and started a revolution in fashion and society alone. And now there is a knowledgeable woman who has changed the lives of so many people and took the world by storm. And I personally think that her best words was this: 

" I want you to free yourself, I want you to let go of anyone or anything that has made you feel like you don't belong, or fit in. I want you to reject any person that has made you feel like you are not good enough, or thin enough, or pretty enough, or can't sing good enough, or write well enough. You just remember that you're a god damn superstar and you were born this way!" 

Those words alone mean a lifetime to me, A lifetime of not believing in myself, a lifetime of rejection, ridding myself of that black cloud that passes above me. There is no fuck you big enough to that than confidence! And that is something that anyone can empower themselves with! And I personally do not think a lot of people do.  
I like to shine through rejection, to being a individual and not living life by a certain code or structure. In many ways I am a free spirit my soul is within the wind and my mind is beyond the stars. And my appearance is a bullet between the eyes to the face of the earth. And that is how I like to live my life. 


This is something that has always crawled through my veins, but now it is starving for more. And more I will give it. It has remained deep inside and it is begging, screaming for life. The life I wanna give it. 

I have always been let down by words of others, those who are suppose to be there, who are suppose to be a support system. Always telling me I have gone too far, I can't so that, or You can't do what you do. They do that because it is a stage show! 
Fuck that, Life to me is a stage show! And I am going to make this the best damn show ever! 

I know that I have just wrote quite a few paragraphs of random bitching, but it has purpose to me and the fact that those are words I want one day to touch others! I wanna make a difference in this world and whether that is being the next Performance Artist Of Metal, A writer, or a special effects makeup artist. 

I think that there is so many people with that spirit locked up and they have not found a way to release it, and they live the life of rejection as well. Even though there is so many inspirational people in this world.. add me to the list. Maybe out of all those people with that locked up soul inside them they have yet to find someone to help them, to free them from their tortured asylum! 
This world lacks confidence, with the rise of plastic surgery over the past ten years that alone should show something. 

I really cannot explain this peice of writing, or where it came from. But I wanna thank Two artists that have taken me from Childhood into adulthood. For everything that they have inspired me to do and what I will  become. Thank you Marilyn Manson and Lady Gaga. This honestly is a random outburst, that was unforeseen.